india again

more incomplete glimpses that maybe i should have figured how to tie together before i posted them separately, but oh well.

yesterday i hid from delhi.
i stayed inside like some over-entitled wealthy white person paying
$18.50 for air conditioning and luxury when all i really need to get by
is 6 dollars on pahar ganj.
i went out once.
and dust, tuktuk drivers, incessant honking horns, fruit vendors and children poking me in the breast to ask for money
not to mention 120 degree heat
just didn't tickle my fancy.
sorry great mother india.
sometimes my love for you is unbearable
it hurts my heart, it thrills me and makes every cell in my body smile
and i spend all my time trying to figure out when i can get back to you
and your mountains
and all the sun-withered faces
and other times i hate you.
you make me crazy, feel lonelier than ever
even in your sea of beings
and i wanna' ask for all the arms of kali
so i can scream, plug my ears, give you the finger and
stand weapon in hand and say en guard! all at once.

but its always worth it.
the smells-spices incense shit urine
flavors of dust dirt and bodies
and i am always heartbroken and eager to leave
when i board my lonely flight home. 

india

an incomplete glimpse continued.

i forgot how one of my favorite things was being a passenger in an indian taxi
on the breath of chaos that-for once- isn't mine.

and when i sit on the train to chandigarh
lookin' out the window
the sides of the tracks are saturated
with a colorful confetti of garbage
cows, pigs,
and people chatting over their morning shits.
i can see how thick the air is with
smells, pollution, and
heat that at 6:30am hits you like
-well i don't know-
i want to say 'a ton of bricks'
but that just seems hackneyed at this point-
but its true.
its different-humid.
so unlike the fire-prone-desert-meets-mountain-land
that i come from.
here, you might not remember that the sky is blue,
but you hope it is.