bob dylan sings me to sleep tonight
harmonica and all.

and i think about those words:

"strong women will encourage and awaken the potential
inside of you" he said
"make you wanna be a better man-
an intimidating prospect."

and so i giggle as i crawl into my bed and wait.

is that what is happening here?


my dog is the only male i have to get mad at these days.
and masturbation is a proud and honest fool.

the whiskey compilations III

the sun hasn't gone down yet
and the ice is already clinking in my glass
because i like to sit in my own shit
and self medicate
and feel sorry for myself
and i am so god damn tired of all the alone time
a little company would be nice
my bed is so damn cold at night.

oh whoops.
i am sorry.
did i leave a mark on your heart?
mustabeen the whiskey talking again.

here, let me unzip my jacket.
is that where my heart is?

you got a smile that can leave a mark too.

i'll just wait
here.

and i am sorry that my bed is so small.

i heard my first hummingbird today.
i swear it sought me out.
flying by all quick-like.
leaving me questioning.

and then i remembered that i saw pain in your eyes.
and i am so curious about your hesitation.

and thinking about it doesn't help.

so now the whiskey leaves my lips wet
and my tongue full of wit and fire.
and i would love to roll another cigarette
and just sit
with you.

its like this.

its like cleaning out my closet.
making space for new things,
clothes
different blankets
new feathery accessories.

its like a conversation between old lovers
in this lifetime
the last
or the next.

its like riding my bike in the full moonlight
and listening to gritty tunes in the honda toaster.

its like your best friend telling you to shut the fuck up
and being called out on being mopey.

its like free lunch and good company and two hour long cups of coffee.

its like a conversation that probably should have happened two years ago,
and now not being the right time,
and feeling sorry,
and knowing that apologies for truth are, for lack of a better word, stupid.

its like heartbreak happens once a day,
and that's beautiful because it means you are loving something or someone so much your heart could break over it.

its like coming back to an old job, and having it feel new and utterly different,
and its like having a job that lets you howl at the moon with boys on a journey that they won't know about for a few more years.

its like dancing with a pink boa
and making new friends
and acceptance and rejection and movement and healing.

its like getting a job offer in one of your favorite places,
with one of your favorite people.

its like it all works for once
its like all the pieces fit together.

its like finding out how i well i lean on myself and
how i love to love.

yeah. its like that.