hello friend. i seem to have forgotten about you. i got swept up in what its like to be in new hampshire at the end of january. long shadows, the sun not peeking its way into my east-facing window until 8am, family time, laughs, tensions, differences, the cold that has always bit me right on the end of my nose and the points of my cheek bones. but today-as if i had my phone on me for the first time in weeks- you called me, and i responded. bottled up, used up emotion, energy, muscle memory, and someone else's i-pod helped as well. i hit the ground running. thanks for calling. you have seen me at my worst- tears, fears, anxieties sitting on my chest like bullet proof vests, and my best-smiles stretching extra close to my eyes, skipping-jumping-bursting-exuberance. i have forgotten about you, i have abused you, i have been really ungrateful for all the opportunities you have provided for me, and yet, you're still here. waiting for me. always ready to let me at it.
it turns out that running in 30 degree weather has its own perks. its energizing in a different way than the hot sun beating on me, or the moist air settling on my skin-the wet suit of sweat i wore in hawaii. here, my skin is all dry afterwards, and my lungs hurt a little bit, my muscles and joints feel a bit confused, AND the amount of ALIVE i feel is unlike anything else.
so thanks again. thanks for always being there. thanks for clearing my head and my heart. thanks for allowing me to notice that there is a sidewalk on the road that i have driven down for the years in a fitful tearful teenage fury unable to get to the ocean fast enough. thanks for the reminder.
today i ran to the ocean on the other side of the world. the other ocean. the cold cold atlantic, that i once ran into and submerged myself in late october, and let. go.
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