right now

i am sitting in the kitchen in between two computer screens, the one that i am typing on, and the other playing "dog days are over" by florence and the machine, along with a few other songs i am about to line up on grooveshark... the song starts out like:
happiness hit her like a train on a track/ coming towards her, stuck no turning back/ she hid around corners and she hid under beds/ killed it with kisses and from it she fled/ with every bubble she sank with a drink/ and washed it away down the sink
hiding from happiness? love maybe? truth? governed by fear and what it can really be like to take the risk and move into a place of real hard contentment with life...
my ears have recently been spending most of their time listening to happy, somewhat dramatic, and on the edge of empowering bands like the morning benders, foster the people, florence and the machine, mumford and sons, and a few singer-songwriters that make me wish and believe that i will be a singer-songwriter in my next life.  Evan calls it my hipster music, which actually makes me smile a little bit inside because i wish i could dress as well as the hipsters that stroll valencia in san fran... but once again-not for this lifetime, plus obscurity loses its attractiveness to me pretty quick.
onto a less- satisfying and invigorating topic, i just recently found out (as in yesterday morning) that i have an autoimmune disease called hashimoto's thyroiditis.  this means that all of the good antibodies in my immune system that are supposed to be fighting off disease cannot tell the difference between healthy and non-healthy tissues and have begun to attack the healthy tissue of my thyroid.  this causes me to have an array of symptoms that have felt somewhat unexplained and unprompted until i found this out.  fatigue, lethargy, depression, heart burn, my metabolism switching from being very slow to pretty fast (hyper- and hypo-thyroid-ness), no wonder motivation to exercise can be SO hard.  in some ways it is a bit of a relief to finally know whats wrong, and finally begin to start focused treatment with my naturopath... in other ways it is a bit scary, definitely very fresh and unknown, i can never eat gluten again, and by that i mean i can't even use a cutting board that has just had bread on it, or use shampoo or soap that has wheat protein in it or oats... this means i have to be a high maintenance customer whenever i go out and maybe even walk out of a place if they can't guarantee that nothing is cross contaminated with gluten- high maintenance.... yikes.  so i am on the search for research... books, websites, helpful resources of any kind in order to really nail this thing as i work to rebuild the lining of my stomach and start taking 15,000 iu of vitamin d a daaayyy! holy smokes.  so if anyone reads this... which i am not sure they do, any info or suggestions are highly appreciated.  a good thing is that my naturopath believes it can be corrected if i am really diligent with it right now... it is extremely rare for someone in the twenties to have this disease, most people who have it are women in their fifties, but it can definitely be genetic, which i think might be the case for me.  by the time people are in their fifties their thyroid has already become hypo, and mine can still be regulated... so we will see how things turn out...
this is a big time in my life... i just found out i have hashimoto's and i have been looking at applying to a program called pacific quest located in hawaii... a new place and life to explore beyond the comfort of my little mountain town of durango where my heart will probably stay and return to for a long time.